Weekend Musings

Yesterday in Organic Chemistry lab, I was feeling quite satisfied with myself as I finished the first part of the experiment (making banana oil, which smells absolutely delicious and attracts honey bees). My solution was well mixed, my apparatus was set up right, all I had to do was wait an hour for all my ingredients to boil. Looking around the room, I noticed that I was the only one who had gotten to that stage in the experiment. Everyone else still had a few minutes to go before they could sit back and relax like me.

I rock at chemistry, I thought to myself. I pretty much rock at life itself. At everything!

Then one of the Teacher’s Assistants walked by and said, “You know, you should really move that mixture to a bigger beaker. The one you have is kind of small.”

In the next five minutes, while trying to move my mixture over to a bigger beaker, I spilled it all over the workbench (including two types of acid), burnt my hand on a hot piece of aluminum, and broke an important piece of glassware. I spent the rest of class period scrambling to catch up with the rest of the class and finish the experiment on time. But I still think I rock at life.

If you want a way to boost your self-confidence, I have the perfect formula for you. But this formula has a story.

Freshmen year, I decided to start out my BYU experience right by taking social dance, Dance 180. I loved it, and decided to take 280 the next semester. Apart from three hours of class, I usually put in another two hours of practice a week. I got pretty good.

Then I went on a mission and forgot how to dance. (And calculus. And English.) I tried taking Dance 380 right after I got back home, but the steps were incredibly complicated and I really couldn’t remember anything from my freshman year. This semester, I decided that the best way to regain my dancing skillz would be to retake Dance 280. I think it’s going to work, but I hadn’t considered that I might remember everything rather quickly. I usually do; after practicing a move for just a few moments all the practice time I put in freshman year seems to click in to place, and I can do the move. Maybe not perfectly, but very well.

So, here is my recipe for increased self-confidence: Retake a dance class! Almost every time I change dance partners, I get a compliment. “You danced that so well!” “Nice lead, that was easy to follow.” “Can you keep a secret? I think you’re the best guy I’ve danced with so far today.”

Or this one: “You move your hips well.”

“Thanks!” I replied. “You see, freshman year, my dance partner (she was from China and a really great dancer, she’s actually on one of the dance teams now), but anyway, she and I were getting ready to compete in DanceSport [a dance competition BYU puts on twice a year], and we were practicing cha-cha. She stopped me in the middle of practice one day and said that we couldn’t keep going until I learned how to move my hips. Before that moment I didn’t actually know I had hips, but after about 45 minutes I was moving like Shakira. And really sore. And that’s why I can move my hips”

“Um… yeah. Good hips!” 

El Libro de Mormón: 2013

OK, estoy intentando algo Nuevo hoy. Hace algunos años empecé un blog, un lugar para compartir mis pensamientos y sentimientos. Hoy, por primera vez, voy a traducir un artículo al español. Tal vez siga haciéndolo, allí vemos. ¡Aquí está!

Mientras viajaba a casa por las vacaciones de navidad, fijé la meta de terminar de leer el Libro de Mormón antes del fin del año. Una vez que llegué y empecé a divertirme y distraerme con la familia, mi determinación se fue debilitando, y decidí que seguiría leyéndolo como ya lo hacía, más o menos un capítulo por día.

Me fue restaurado el entusiasmo por esto (traducción: terminé el Libro de Mormón antes del fin del año. Soy un capo), y decidí volver a mi plan. Ahora que está empezando 2014, con la oportunidad de empezar mi libro favorito desde la primera página, quería compartir un poco de lo que aprendí mientras lo leí en la segunda mitad de 2013.

Esta vez, leí el Libro de Mormón con un enfoque en la fe. Quería aprender todo lo que pudiera de la fe, con la meta final de fortalecerme la mía. Mi gran observación es que sí, el Libro de Mormón habla mucho de la fe. Hasta diría que no hay otro libro en el mundo que a uno le ayudaría a aprender de la fe, y a desarrollarla, como el Libro de Mormón lo hace.

Una observación menos general es que, muchas veces, los héroes del Libro de Mormón ganaron la fe que necesitaban al recordar—recordar sus propias experiencias con Dios, y recordar las cosas que Él había hecho por sus antepasados.

He pensado bastante últimamente en cuán frágil la memoria es, cuan fugaz; me fui solo dos años a la misión, pero en ese tiempo me olvidé de todos los bailes que trabajé tanto para aprender el año antes que me fuera. También me olvidé del cálculo, y tuve que re-enseñarme a mi miso todo Cálculo I antes que pudiera entender Cálculo II. Y eso sin decir cuan a menudo me olvido del nombre de alguien pocos segundos después que me lo dice.

El punto es, soy bien olvidadizo, y aunque Dios se ha manifestado a mí, a mi familia, y al mundo muchas veces, me olvidaré de todo eso si no hago un esfuerzo consciente por recordar.

Sabiendo esto, supongo que tiene razón el que una razón por tomar la Santa Cena cada semana es para recordarlo.

La observación más importante (para mí) de esta lectura del Libro de Mormón llegó unas pocas semanas después de empezarlo, en 1 Nefi capítulo 9. El versículo 6 dice, “Pero el Señor sabe todas las cosas desde el principio; por tanto, él prepara la vía para realizar todas sus obras entre los hijos de los hombres; porque, he aquí, él tiene todo poder para el cumplimiento de todas sus palabras. Y así es. Amén.”

Me puse a pensar en lo que significa que Dios prepara la vía para realizar todas sus obras. Realmente, significa que cuando Él me manda hacer algo, antes que de el mandamiento—antes que yo empiece el esfuerzo interno por ver si le seré fiel—Él ya ha preparado la vía para que yo lo haga. A veces yo pienso que, si tomo un paso de fe del lado de una montaña, Dios descenderá como una águila para agarrarme, para que yo no caiga. Tal vez una mejor analogía es que Él ya ha construido un camino, y cuando tomo ese paso mi pie llegará allí y podré seguirlo. Todavía no puedo ver el camino hasta que de el primer paso, pero está allí. Tal vez haya estado allí por más tiempo que yo he estado vivo. ¡Tal vez Dios empezó a construirme el camino a la vez que construyó este mundo!

¿Cómo no puedo confiar en Él si es tan sólido y confiable? ¿Cómo no voy a seguirlo si el camino ya está preparado?

Para terminar, me gustaría compartir un pequeño versículo de mi libro preferido del Libro de Mormón, Alma. En el capítulo 5, el versículo 12 dice, “Y según su fe, se realizó un gran cambio en su corazón.” En este versículo Alma, Hijo está hablando de la conversión de su padre, pero este principio es verdad para cada hijo de Adán e hija de Eva en esta tierra: La fe cambia el corazón. Lo he visto suceder en las vidas de muchos alrededor de mí, y en mi propio corazón.

Quisiera extender una pequeña invitación al que esté leyendo esto hoy. Lea este libro. Yo lo he hecho, yo sé que es verdadero, y he visto como mi fe se fortalece mientras lo hago. Si ya lo ha leído muchas veces, o si ésta es la primera vez que ha escuchado de él, ¿por qué no intentarlo? ¿Por qué no fijarse una meta de leerlo conmigo en 2014?

(Y lo puede encontrar aquí. Qué lo disfrute.)

The Book of Mormon: 2013

While on the plane home for Christmas break, I decided that one of my goals for these two weeks was to finish the Book of Mormon before the end of the year. Once I actually got here and the fun started, however, my resolve weakened, and I decided I would just keep reading it as I had been, about a chapter per day.

Then this restored my enthusiasm, and I decided to buckle down and stick to my plan. Now that 2014 is here (bringing a chance to start my favorite book once again from page i), I wanted to share a bit of what I learned reading it in the second half of 2013.

This time through, I read the Book of Mormon with a focus on faith. I wanted to learn everything I could about faith, the end goal being strengthening my own. My big overall observation is that yep, the Book of Mormon talks a lot about faith. I’d even say that no other book in the world will help learn about and develop faith like this one.

A slightly less general observation was that, many times, my Book of Mormon heroes gained the faith that they needed by remembering—remembering their own past experiences with God and remembering the things that He had done for their ancestors.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how fragile memory is, how fleeting; I was only gone for two short years on my mission, yet in that time I completely forgot all of the dances that I worked so hard to learn the year before I left. I also forgot basically all of calculus, and had to re-teach myself all of Calc I before I started getting the hang of Calc II. That’s not to mention how often I forget somebody’s name only a few seconds after they tell it to me.

The point is, I’m really forgetful, and even though God has manifested Himself to me, my family, and the world many, many times, I’m probably going to forget that they have happened unless I make a conscious effort to remember.

Knowing this, I guess it makes sense that one reason we take the sacrament every week is to remember Him.

The most important (for me) observation from this read-through actually came in the first few weeks of reading, in 1 Nephi chapter 9. Verse 6 reads, “But the Lord knoweth all things from the beginning; wherefore, he prepareth a way to accomplish all his works among the children of men; for behold, he hath all power unto the fulfilling of all his words. And thus it is. Amen.”

I started to think a little bit about what it means that God prepareth a way to accomplish His works. Really, it means that whenever He commands me to do something, before He gives the commandment—before I begin the internal struggle of faith to see if I will be faithful to Him—He has already prepared the way for me to do it. I sometimes think that, if I take a leap of faith off of a cliff, God will swoop down like an eagle to keep me from falling. Maybe a better analogy is actually that He already built a road for me to land on and walk along. I still can’t see the road until I take the first step, but it’s there. Perhaps it’s been there for longer than I have been alive. Perhaps God began building that road for me at the same time He created this world!

How can I not trust Him if He really is that solid and dependable? How can I not follow Him if the way is already prepared?

Lastly, I’d like to share a small verse from my favorite book in the Book of Mormon, Alma. Chapter 5, verse 12, says, “And according to his faith there was a mighty change wrought in his heart.”

In this particular verse Alma the Younger is talking about the conversion of his father, but this is a true principle for every son of Adam and daughter of Eve on this earth: Faith changes your heart. I’ve seen this in the lives of countless people around me, and also in my own.

I’d like to extend a little invitation to whoever is reading this today. Read this book. I have, I know it’s true, and I have seen and felt my faith grow stronger as I have done so. Whether you have read it before, or whether this is the first time you’ve ever heard of it, why not give it a shot? Why not set a goal to read it with me in 2014?

(Oh, and you can find it here. Enjoy.)

Christmas

Today I thought I'd write a little bit about what Christmas means for me.

Family. What is more, Christmas traditions/Christmastime itself seem to bring out all the parts of my family that remind me just how much I love them.
I had a great realization last night. Whereas the last time I saw  my family I was going through post-mission withdrawal, trying to get used to t-shirts instead of ties and missing the feeling of having a badge on my chest, this time around I am experiencing absolutely none of that sadness. Instead of being sad that I just finished my mission, I'm happy that I survived this round of finals!

Food. I woke up this morning to one of my dad's famous american breakfasts; last night some kind neighbors brought over delicious chocolate chip cookies. It should only get better from here.

Music. This December has probably been one of the most musical months of my life, peaking the Sunday before last (sacrament meeting musical numbers + MTC Men's Chorus Christmas concert) and continuing on earlier this evening (family Christmas hymns and jamming with my sister and mom).

Peace. As Christmas draws near (and New Years after it), I tend to reflect on both the past and the future, conversing with God about each of them in turn. I can't help but feel peace as hindsight's clear lens shows me how God has directed my life to bring me where I am and hope's bright light illuminates a wonderful world of possibilities ahead.

Christ. I am overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude as I think about how God would send His only begotten Son to die for me. He knows how much I need His help, and has done so, so much to be able to give it to me; His love and mercy make me want to sing His praises and never stop.

Merry Christmas!

Giving Thanks

I had this really great idea last week that a blog post about all the things I'm grateful for would be a fantastic way to start off Thanksgiving. I figured it would not only help me feel grateful for all the great things I have, but also help me remember why I have them (or better said, thanks to who I have them). Before I had figured out what was happening Thanksgiving morning my running shoes were on my feet and I was out the door, writing forgotten, so that didn't happen quite according to plan. However, maybe it's for the best, because I've had two full days to reflect on how wonderful my life is whilst nibbling on pie and making funny faces at my niece. 

And so I present to you (in no particular order) a few of the many wonderful things that are going on in my life right now. 

• Job: When Peggy Noonan spoke last week at a BYU forum, she said that her jobs with Presidents Reagan and Bush, Sr. were "an unmitigated blessing in her life," from which she had grown and benefited greatly. That is exactly how I feel about my job right now--it is an unmitigated blessing. It's fun, it's interesting, it's experience that will help me all my life. I can't help but be grateful for that. 
• Roommates: Coming back from my mission, I didn't know any guys who weren't (1) still on missions of their own or (2) not going to BYU. So, I didn't put in any specific roommate requests, and got put in a random apartment at the luck of the draw. I'm grateful that my roommates are reasonably orderly, good men, who are also welcoming and accepting of the new guy. 
• Car: I got used to taking the bus in Chile, and was ready to tackle the Utah bus system as soon as I got home. However, it turned out that I didn't have to--my beloved Mazda 626 gives me more freedom than even the bus system would have. 
• Running shoes: My mom convinced me to get a pair of fairly decent running shoes (instead of my usual 10-dollar Walmart sneakers). I realized how much I would enjoy having them at the same time I realized that it gets really cold in the early morning (when I have time to run), and going barefoot is not a (pleasant) option. This has enabled some fairly awesome runs. 
• Old friends: I always joked around with my mission companions that getting home would be like opening a new area--I'd have to build a friend base from the ground up, putting to use all my missionary skillz like "talk to everyone" and "ask for references." However, thanks to good old friends, it hasn't been quite like that. More like... well, like seeing old friends after two years in a foreign country!
• New friends: I enjoy people. Meeting new people is one of my favorite past-times. God has put a lot of really cool new people into my life, people who I've learned from and whose company I have enjoyed. 
• Studio C: I don't understand quite how it happened, but somebody got the idea in the last few years to form a clever, clean comedy group that just so happens to jive almost perfectly with my sense of humor. Win. 
• Academic success: When I stepped into the classroom for the first math class of the semester, I had trouble remembering what a derivative was. It was scary. A few weeks ago, I actually walked out of the testing center after a math test smiling. That's a change I'm grateful for. 
• Family, part 1: My sister and brother-in-law not only live in the same state that I do, they're only forty minutes away. I'm thankful for Sunday dinners, evening chats, and getting to play with my niece (just look at these pictures and tell me she isn't the cutest little girl in the world, will you?) almost every week. 
• Family, part 2: In spite of a random rash of concussions this summer, the rest of my family is alive and well in Oregon, and I get to call them on the phone and talk to them any time the fancy strikes me. That's nice. 
• Family, part 3: My cousin Kate deserves a shout-out here. She knows why she's awesome.
• Music: Along with ward choir, playing the tin whistle on stormy nights, and random piano jam sessions, I get to sing in the BYU Men's Chorus this year. I feel privileged to spend a lot of time making (and listening to) really cool music. 
• Prayer: Oddly enough, the interesting, challenging, and sometimes frustrating parts of life didn't stop coming when I was released as a missionary (although I will admit that they changed nature quite a bit-- stray dogs are no longer a problem). However, every time I go to my Father in prayer, He gives me His guidance, He assures me that it's going to turn out alright, and He surrounds me with His love.
• The Book of Mormon: A lot of the time, God's guidance and assurance comes through music. However, God's most frequently-used tool to talk to me is definitely this book. I love it. It's amazing. You should read it. 
• The Atonement: After everything else, (and before everything else, and over everything else, and through and because of and causing everything else), I am grateful that my Savior Jesus Christ came and offered His life for me. He lifts me up, redeems me, cleanses me, empowers me, and makes everything I do worthwhile. 

Machiavelli, Mussolini, and Lincoln

This morning after I got out of my chemistry class, I headed over to the library to study. I was about to turn up the staircase to head to my usual 5th floor study spot, but I decided on a whim to turn down the stairs to go check out the new Reading Room on the second floor. I was pleased to find a beautiful faux fireplace, a couple of comfy couches, and a small shelf of books marked “World Classics: A Sampling of Important World Literature.”

I started looking through the World Classics, and my eye was drawn to a work that I have always wanted to read—one that has intrigued me in the same way that Stalin intrigued me in the 12th grade. That is, Machiavelli’s “The Prince.”

After reading through the introduction (by the translator) and prelude (by Mussolini), I began to think about another important political document, one whose anniversary we recently celebrated—Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. I would now like to share some thoughts that I have had while comparing and contrasting the two.

“One day I happened to be informed… of the gift of a sword engraved with the saying of Machiavelli: ‘States are not maintained with words’.” Thus begins Benito Mussolini’s prelude to Niccolò Machiavelli’s “The Prince.” He goes on to explain how Machiavelli’s analysis of politics really boils down to a proper understanding of human nature. Quoting several of Machiavelli’s works, he states, “One can make this generalization about men: they are ungrateful, fickle, liars, and deceivers.” And, “Men never do anything good unless forced to, but where liberty abounds and where there is freedom everything immediately falls into confusion and disarray.”

He goes on to explain how history, both pre- and post-Machiavellian, has given proof of these facts. He explains that the implications of man’s base nature are that government by the people cannot work, and will always result in anarchy. He finishes by saying, “Regimes based completely on consent have never existed, do not exist, and probably never will exist.”

I have to say, I really agree with Mussolini (never thought you would hear me say that, did you?). I believe that the nature of us humans is to be ungrateful, to be fickle, to lie, and to deceive. I believe this is true based on my own study of history and literature, my interactions with others, and my own heart.

However, I believe that both Machiavelli and Mussolini were ignorant of—or ignored—one crucial fact: That man is not ruled by his nature alone. We have in us a spirit, a bit of something heavenly, that is not governed by earthly rules or tendencies. That spirit is not ungrateful and fickle, but noble. It is not a liar or a deceiver; rather, it seeks truth and honesty above all else.

Inside of each man, and in larger measure inside of each country, there is a sort of struggle between these two forces—the natural and the spiritual, the carnal and the heavenly.

The fact that this struggle exists raises the question: were Mussolini and Machiavelli before him wrong when they said that democracy, or government based on consent, is simply not possible? I believe Lincoln asks this same question in his famous Address.

Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure…
And now I repeat Lincoln’s great interrogative. Can such a nation endure?

Yes. It can. It has.

Our nation has endured. It hasn’t endured perfectly, I’ll admit—we’ve had some bumps and bruises along the way. There may be many things about our history, and the current state of the country and its government, that we don’t agree with (and note that this is a politically neutral comment, because everyone, no matter what their political leanings, disagrees with something).

But the bottom line is that the United States of America has continued to operate under the constitution penned by the founding fathers for the last 206 years. The higher, spiritual part of us has won out over the natural part enough to keep this country alive and thriving.

In the words of Gandalf, “And that is an encouraging thought.”

Now, to return to the last part of Lincoln’s Address.

It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us -- that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion -- that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.
So, that’s what it comes down to. Machiavelli, Mussolini, and Lincoln are all dead and gone now. It is up to us, each and every one of us, to make sure our spirit wins out over our nature, so that our country can have a “new birth of freedom;” to prove to Machiavelli, to Mussolini, to Lincoln, to ourselves, and to those who will come after us that our nation, conceived and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal, can, and will, endure.

Non-MLA citations:
“The Prince,” Machiavelli. Translation by George Bull.
“The Gettysburg Address,” Abraham Lincoln.

The Last: August 5, 2013

Dear Mom and Dad,

Yes, this is the last letter I will be sending from the mission field. I´ll try to make it a good one.

Saturday morning we spent in a service project with the Elders Quorum. We went over to a plot of land owned by the Z family, recent converts that really exemplify what a convert to the church should be like. We cleared away some weeds for them, but lest you think that I´m talking about a little bit of weeding like in the garden out back, these weeds were bigger than cars. We attacked them with shovels, picks, and poles, and then carried away the branches and threw them into a little ravine. When we finished, my arms were all scratched up from carrying branches, but it was a ton of fun.

The other cool thing we did this week was a tour of the chapel with a local preschool. We were walking through the street one day when a lady approached us and asked if she could take her preschool to see the chapel, they came with a couple members of the church who helped out in the tour. It was quite fun, and they all loved the baptismal font.

On Monday, we had a fantastic Family Home Evening with three families from the ward plus JC and J. They talked about testimony, and J got to share her powerful spiritual experience with the whole room.

This week we also taught about the Word of Wisdom, and J told us that she smoked. She now has gone about 3 days without smoking (3 1/2 already), and is excited to be baptized this next Saturday.

Yesterday was JC's baptism. It was probably the most reverent, spiritual baptismal service I´ve ever seen, and it was really a privilege to be there. After changing clothes, JC got up to the pulpit and said, "today I signed a contract with God. And I´ll keep it." I thought about how he almost rejected us the first time we saw him, and how much he had changed and softened his heart since then. What a miracle!

So this next week we will be working to help J and her daughter Ja be ready for baptism. I will be giving it all my heart, might, mind, and strength, and thanking God for this wonderful, cherished opportunity to serve. What a blessing my mission has been, and will yet be to me.

I know this work is true. For these two years, I have been a representative of Jesus Christ, carrying His name and doing His work. I know that it will continue on until it is finished, and I hope then to be there waiting to welcome Christ as He comes in glory.

Viviendo el sueño,

Elder Jason Ray