While I was a TA at BYU, I was terribly forgetful about punching in and out on my virtual time card. If I forgot a punch, I had to email the timecard secretary and ask them to manually adjust it. The following are our exchanges from January to March of 2017. Black text is me; blue is the timecard secretary.
Chem timecard angels,
I forgot to clock in and out during lecture today. Would you
mind giving me an in and out punch at 10:55:00AM & 11:55:00AM,
respectively?
Your obedient servant,
Jason Ray
Dear Obedient Servant,
We are more than happy to fix
this for you. Unfortunately, for auditing purposes we need for people to always
include the date of the correction (month/day/year specifically). Please just
send us the date as soon as possible, and we will fix your timesheet.
Thanks, and have a great day!
The Chem Timecard Angels
Kind, merciful, and benevolent timecard angels,
The date was Monday, January 23, 2017.
I have the honor to be your obedient servant,
J. Ray
Esteemed attendant Jayson Ray,
We bring you good tidings of
great joy.
We have seen fit to incline our
halo-ed heads in the direction of your incomplete timecard, and bless it with
your desired shift. Fear not, nor let your soul be troubled any longer.
“What praise is more valuable
than the praise of an intelligent servant?”
-Jane Austen
May your day overflow with joy,
as a wine-glass runs over with the golden, frothy goodness of a non-alcoholic
beverage.
With regard,
The Timecard Angels
Dear chemistry timecard overlords,
Could you insert an "IN" punch at 9:30:00AM on
Monday, February 6 for me?
Your obedient and grateful peasant,
Jason Ray
In response to your acceptable penitence and in an act of great benevolence on our behalf, we have found it in our humble hearts to grant your petition at his time. Take heart and rejoice.
Chemistry Timecard Overloads
Oh mighty, respected, and ancestral guardians of the
chemistry timecard, forgive me, for I have sinned a grievous sin--indeed, I
clocked in and out on the wrong job. Please have mercy on my unworthy soul and
make the following corrections.
REMOVE: an IN punch at 4:36:46PM and an OUT punch at 5:23:31PM
on Wednesday, February 15th.
INSERT: an IN punch at 10:55:00AM and an OUT punch at
11:55:00AM on Wednesday, February 15th.
In return I will burn three kinds of incense in the
ancestral shrine, name my kitten's firstborn after you, and tell my mother I
love her.
Your groveling, unworthy servant,
Jason Ray
Base servant Jason Ray,
Thy past faithfulness hath saved thee from the endless, tormenting flames of unemployment. We shall, this once, spare thee our acrimony.
In return for clemency from thine egregious sin we demand one thing further in order to secure thy timecard’s salvation: a shrubbery.
We are touched by thy humble thanks and apologies. As the Bard once stated:
“How
sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child!”
-William Shakespeare
In light of this we have acknowledged thy need for our venerable power and have ameliorated thy thrice-blessed timesheet. May thy heart be as glad as a bubbly glad duckling who has just been made professor of glad at Gladstone University.
Blessings upon thee and thy kittens,
The Chem Timecard Angels
Apropos
of thy deferential commitment to name thy kitten’s firstborn after us, we
desire a picture of said adorable fluff. Thus we can appropriately decide upon
a suitable name.
Wise, powerful, and benevolent timecard guards,
I come before thee again, a sinner and a vagrant, and plead
for your aid in mending my ways. Please:
REMOVE: an IN punch at 6:07:03PM on March 6th.
INSERT: an IN punch at 5:00:00PM and an OUT punch at
6:00:00PM, both on March 6th.
As you have requested, I have obtained a shrubbery and
planted it in your honor. I also took a picture of my adorable kitten raising
its hand in chemistry class. Here are pictures of both.
Your devoted, repentant servant,
Jason Ray
TINY MORTAL JASON RAY.
THE TIMECARD ANGELS ARE CURRENTLY UNAVAILBE TO RESPOND, AS THEY HAVE BUSIED THEMSELVES WITH THE UPKEEP OF THEIR NOVEL SHRUBBERY-PLAYTHING. I, THE ALLPOWERFUL TENTACLED INTERN, HAVE BEEN DELEGATED THE TASK OF RESPONDING.
THY PATHETIC TIMECARD EXCEPTION DREW ME FROM THE DEPTHS OF THE SEA FOR THE PURPOSE OF WREAKING CATACLYSMIC DESTRUCTION UPON HUMANITY. THY EXPRESSION OF HUMBLE DEFERENCE, HOWEVER, HAS STAYED MY HAND. FOR NOW.
AS REWARD FOR THE KITTEN IMAGE I HEREBY GRANT THEE THY DESIRED TIMESHEET CORRECTIONS. I SHALL SPARE THEE THY SOUL AND PUNY LIFE THIS ONCE. DO NOT KINDLE MY WRATH AGAIN.
BE AFRAID.
THE CTHULHU OF R’LYEH
PS:
THE TIMECARD ANGELS DESIRE FOR THE KITTEN TO BE NAMED MR. WINKLESTON
That was the end of it! I somehow didn’t forget any more
punches during the last few weeks of the semester.
College. What a time.
