This article was
inspired by two things. First, a great blog post about the decision for sisters
to serve a mission or not that you can read here. Second, a conference talk by
Elder Cook that mentions being authentic and admitting your faults online. You
can read that one right here.
A while ago, shortly after getting home from my two-year
mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in Chile, I was
talking to my older sister about my dating life. I mentioned that I had some
interest in a certain girl. We had been on several dates, and I saw potential
in our relationship. However, I had one concern, which I expressed to my sister:
“Maybe,” I said, “I shouldn’t date at all right now, when the only girls around
are the ones who stayed behind from missions. Maybe I should wait until the
wave of missionaries gets home so that I can date and marry a Returned
Missionary. That way I can be sure she’s really a good girl.”
My comment was motivated by my own extreme love for my
mission. My mission was invaluable to me—it changed me for the better, and
still, to this day, I thank God every day for the privilege he gave me of
serving.
Luckily for me, my sister wasted no time at all in slapping
some sense into me. Once the physical abuse was over*, she said something I’ve
never forgotten. “Jason, it doesn’t matter if a girl has served a mission or
not. It matters if a girl is following God’s plan for her. That’s what you
should care about.”
She then went on to point out that not only had she not
served a mission, but my mother hadn’t either. As I thought about what a
fantastic mother mine was, and what a great wife she was to my dad, and what a
great woman she was in general, I began to understand. As I thought about the
intense, deep relationship that my sister has with her Savior, about the many
times her testimony and habits had strengthened and improved mine, I understood
a little bit more. And as I thought about other women in my life who I looked
up to, including a close cousin and a seminary teacher, to name a few, I
finally got it.
God matters. Missions, in and of themselves, don’t. Missions
only matter when God says they matter—He is the one who gives them power and
importance. And God, speaking through his prophet, President Thomas S. Monson,
has said, “We affirm that missionary work is a priesthood duty—and we encourage
all young men who are worthy and who are physically able and mentally capable
to respond to the call to serve.
Many
young women also serve, but they are not under the same mandate to serve as are
the young men. We assure the young sisters of the Church, however, that
they make a valuable contribution as missionaries, and we welcome their
service.”
Once I accepted that not every girl I knew was under orders from
God to serve a mission, I became incredibly interested in learning about
individual girls’ experiences in deciding if they should go. As I listened to
the stories of my friends who had stayed home, I was impressed by their
maturity and spirituality. Without exception, they spoke of periods of prayer,
scripture study, and temple attendance before accepting that it was not God’s
will for them to go on a mission. Some of them even mentioned how disappointed
they were that God didn’t want them to go, and how they begged and pleaded to
be allowed to before humbly accepting God’s personal commands. I felt chastened
as I considered that every time I criticized a girl for choosing not to serve a
mission, I was pridefully acting like my will was more important than
God’s.
I also began to ask my friends in the mission field, and
returned sister missionaries for their stories. Their stories, too, involved prayer,
scripture study, and temple attendance, and culminated either in a feeling of
acceptance with their decision to serve a mission or in an unmistakable feeling
that God wanted them to serve. As I listened to all of these stories, my
respect for women in general grew.
In the end, then, I decided I did not need to date only
Returned Missionaries. Instead, I have decided that the most important
characteristic of the girls I date is that they love God above all else, and
are actively trying to seek out and follow His will. I will respect and admire
them whether they have served a mission or not.
*Because this
is the internet, I feel duty-bound to point out that this was a sarcastic
statement, and the only physical abuse my sister has ever inflicted on me was
feeding me so much that I felt like I might explode.
